My partner took this picture of my left foot next to my son’s. He has my feet. They are little carbon copies of every bloat and bulge in my toes. Even though I have never had much time for my feet, I love that he has these copies. Looking at his feet is a tugging reminder that we are connected.
But this quality of sameness and looking alike is complex in my family. My son and I look alike because of shared genes. Funnily enough, my son also looks like my partner. This is despite the fact that they do not share genes. Although sometimes I think he looks like her because they do not share genes.
My skin is a pale shade of freckly Irish white. My eyes are green and my hair is brown. My partner is not white. Her skin is dark and her hair is thick and black. When we decided to have children we deliberately sought a donor/father who was of the same racial and ethnic background as my partner.